Saturday, March 03, 2007
my world is really fucked up right now this moment this second this instant.
irene and rachel seems to understand me the best.
bgss friends are my best listeners in my world.
but i just cant help to overcome this depression i am facing right now.
no one can help me to overcome except myself.
yesterday afternoon uncle borrowed one thousand from me and i lent him to help him in his business.
yesterday night, he had dinner with mother.
he n mother talked about the moving house to eleven floor.
i was left behind, meaning that he and mother sleep 1 room, sister one room.
i was supposed to move up too!
now the plan changed to that i should stay together with ah ma. but i still get my 1 room.
so how?
i told her i dont know. i follow their decision lor.
but deep down, i am fucked up, i have spent so much time painting my room to be.. now tell me dont paint liao. cause maybe the room givin to sister to sleep then u live with ah ma at 8 floor.
WHAT THE FUCK LAH CHEE BYE.
i dont blame you for having a boyfriend liao, now u had a child. what can i say.? if you had talked to us about the whole thing.. maybe i wont feel so left out or like feeling being throw away. becos you had a new child and a new husband.
yes uncle treat us not bad. but did you think of how am i thinking and feeling.?
sister is young she just " oh ok lor" gor you stay 8floor accompany ah ma lor.
i thought she would support me...
but since she like that say.. then i got nothing to say liao.
yesterday while going to nevin's house for dinner, i bought a bottle of beer and drank..
thoughts of committing sucide came.. i wished that i could just die.. then like scenes in ghost whisperer , i could came back and visit the human realm... but i killed myself i cant come back.. so i rather die in and accident.
but i really cant cope with my inner self anymore.
irene said that i am changin my character liao.. ask me to take note. dont let this change you into another person... but i just cant control it anymore liao.. its like ichigo in bleach, he cant control the hollow inside him...
my new job at shop and save rox.
although there, isnt as complicated as swensen... i love the ppl there, my job scoop there.
the pay although not much but its worth every single cent.
i been started to attend my japan and takwando classes again liao.
i am looking forward to march 9, poly application results.
hehe.. wish i could join my bgss friends again.
if they arent around. i think i would have died in this world alone.. only my family would remember me.
mother would be putting uncle n her child in the first place soon if they ever gt married.
she is thinking that.. since anna n derrick are grown up, i dont think i need to put in so much care and concern like i used to do.
she arent putting alot of effort. i can see.
she used to come back 2 days once.
now sometimes not even once in 5 days or longer.
she came back. sleeping or either would be naggin at me .
nothing else. maybe her way of should concern would be naggin.
but through phone. i last saw her would be on chinese new year.. talking to me.. its been so long since then...
my job and outings are all standard one what...
gone........................
irene and rachel seems to understand me the best.
bgss friends are my best listeners in my world.
but i just cant help to overcome this depression i am facing right now.
no one can help me to overcome except myself.
yesterday afternoon uncle borrowed one thousand from me and i lent him to help him in his business.
yesterday night, he had dinner with mother.
he n mother talked about the moving house to eleven floor.
i was left behind, meaning that he and mother sleep 1 room, sister one room.
i was supposed to move up too!
now the plan changed to that i should stay together with ah ma. but i still get my 1 room.
so how?
i told her i dont know. i follow their decision lor.
but deep down, i am fucked up, i have spent so much time painting my room to be.. now tell me dont paint liao. cause maybe the room givin to sister to sleep then u live with ah ma at 8 floor.
WHAT THE FUCK LAH CHEE BYE.
i dont blame you for having a boyfriend liao, now u had a child. what can i say.? if you had talked to us about the whole thing.. maybe i wont feel so left out or like feeling being throw away. becos you had a new child and a new husband.
yes uncle treat us not bad. but did you think of how am i thinking and feeling.?
sister is young she just " oh ok lor" gor you stay 8floor accompany ah ma lor.
i thought she would support me...
but since she like that say.. then i got nothing to say liao.
yesterday while going to nevin's house for dinner, i bought a bottle of beer and drank..
thoughts of committing sucide came.. i wished that i could just die.. then like scenes in ghost whisperer , i could came back and visit the human realm... but i killed myself i cant come back.. so i rather die in and accident.
but i really cant cope with my inner self anymore.
irene said that i am changin my character liao.. ask me to take note. dont let this change you into another person... but i just cant control it anymore liao.. its like ichigo in bleach, he cant control the hollow inside him...
my new job at shop and save rox.
although there, isnt as complicated as swensen... i love the ppl there, my job scoop there.
the pay although not much but its worth every single cent.
i been started to attend my japan and takwando classes again liao.
i am looking forward to march 9, poly application results.
hehe.. wish i could join my bgss friends again.
if they arent around. i think i would have died in this world alone.. only my family would remember me.
mother would be putting uncle n her child in the first place soon if they ever gt married.
she is thinking that.. since anna n derrick are grown up, i dont think i need to put in so much care and concern like i used to do.
she arent putting alot of effort. i can see.
she used to come back 2 days once.
now sometimes not even once in 5 days or longer.
she came back. sleeping or either would be naggin at me .
nothing else. maybe her way of should concern would be naggin.
but through phone. i last saw her would be on chinese new year.. talking to me.. its been so long since then...
my job and outings are all standard one what...
gone........................